Don't make out with my wife yet
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize