is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
