he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
