never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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