I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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