fuck your aforementioned shoe
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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