he wants to bone in the snuggie
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
