I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize