from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
