so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
