I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize