There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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