You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
