I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
