i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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