1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
