If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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