just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
