You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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