"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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