I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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