nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
