how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
