The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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