she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
