Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
