I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
