The maid of honor just puked.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
