More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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