a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
even my farts smell like vagina
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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