so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
