omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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