Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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