The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
