im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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