you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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