The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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