He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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