3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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