She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
operation harelip BJ is a go
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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