Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
