If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
