i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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