i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
