My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
