Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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