my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I currently don't understand fingers.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize