WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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