This house was built for laser tag.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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