32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
