Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
