Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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