Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
