I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS