You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
should my penis look like a turkey
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.