what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!