I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job