Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??