there's paper in my vomit.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
