I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
