i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize
