I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
