I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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