where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
